New Year's Resolutions

10 New Year’s Resolutions You Forgot to Put on Your List

“Sometimes we know the best thing to do, but fail to do it. New year’s resolutions are often like that. We make resolutions because we know it would be better for us to lose weight, or get fit, or spend more time with our children. The problem is that a resolution is generally easier to break than it is to keep.”

– Peter Singer

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A new year is a marvellous time to become a new you. You have grown, you have had new experiences, you have learned new things, and now it is time for you to make new plans, based on all the lovely fresh new information you have.

New Year’s resolutions are a timeworn tradition, dating back to ancient times. Babylonians would start each year promising the gods that they would return borrowed objects and repay debts. Romans did the same to the god Janus, whose name is where we get January from. Knights of the Middle Ages would take the peacock vow at the end of the Christmas season, which renews their commitment to the code of chivalry. And there are lots of examples that suggest that, indeed, New Year’s is a time for self-improvement.

There are classic self-improvement resolutions, like working out, being more patient, and all that stuff. But what I will be showcasing on my list are 10 New Year’s resolutions you forgot to put on your list.

1. Take more time off

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If you are a workaholic like me, then you probably forget that there is, in fact, life outside of work. I know it is incredibly tempting just to throw yourself into your work, especially if you are really passionate about it. But you have to take some time and experience the myriad of amazing things that the world has to offer that are not job related, like shopping for groceries and cleaning your laundry.

2. Be more open minded

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I, for one, often find myself being apprehensive toward certain types of people or experiences. And when I think real hard and long about it, there really is not any reason why I should do that. When it comes to people, I am instantly put off by young, corporate professionals. I just immediately think that they have to be the most boring human beings on earth. Walking, talking flow charts, whose sole purpose is analyzing best practices and stuff like that. But I know that they are, in fact, real people, and I am sure that if I get to know them, they are going to be just as lovely as, well, non-corporate peeps. And as for experiences, I finally stepped up last year and took up hiking, so my resolution for this year is to do even more hiking.

3. Learn something new and entirely unnecessary

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Plenty of people promise themselves that they are going to learn something new. Whether it is another language (be it for speaking or programming), a new software, maybe guitar or piano lessons. But you need to think outside the box. If you want to go for music, why not try the didgeridoo? New software? Try some basic engineering. Nevermind software, hardware is the way to go, baby! Build that computer from the ground up, using copper wire, duct tape, and random pieces of wood, MacGyver style.

4. Test your clothes’ tensile strength

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Most people want to get in shape because they wish to look like the ladies and gentlemen prancing around in their underwear on magazine covers. But you are not a drone, and neither I am! We are queen bees, so the world should get to our level!

Take your clothes and, every day, tie one end to the door handle and the other as far as it can take. Repeat that exercise for 365 days, and see just where your clothes will tear.

5. Swim with sharks

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Dolphins are adorable creatures, and some say that swimming with them can actually help cure diseases. But swimming with these friendly, docile creatures can dull your senses, and in today’s competitive, fast-paced free market, you need you senses sharpened, not blunted.

Rather than getting in the water with dolphins, I suggest you swim with nature’s most efficient killing machines: sharks. Swimming with these death dispensers will keep you on the edge, making the whole exercise excellent training for achieving success.

6. Give yourself a large present every day

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In a previous article on this website, it was mentioned that giving yourself a small present every day improved your overall state of mind, because it’s the frequency of the gifts that counts, rather than their intensity. But just think about how you feel when your receive something big and gift wrapped. Right? Big things are excellent!

7. Binge on Twin Peaks

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I am not even joking about this one. I love Twin Peaks, and seeing as 2016 will bring us a new Twin Peaks season, you might as well start watching the old season this year and get yourself ready.

8. Spend more time in your pyjamas

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Remember Christmas day when you were a kid, and you would wake up in your PJ’s and go to the tree to see if Santa got you that expensive thing you wanted? Well, Christmas day can be every day, throughout all you street clothes, and buy yourself enough pyjamas so you will never have to wear a shirt or jeans ever again.

9. Prepare a New Year’s resolutions list for all your friends

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Not everyone has New Year’s resolutions. Apparently, about 60% of Americans do not do the whole resolutions thing, and I would be willing to wager that the percentage drops below even that worldwide. Some people are just content with wherever it is there at. But content breeds stagnation and stagnation is the opposite of progress. So in your magnanimity, this year you should endeavour to make resolutions for all your friends, and help them out of the rut they are in.

10. Replace the friends that have refused your resolutions with ones that won’t

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You are on your way to success, and you can’t have slackers dragging you down. Just as King Arthur gathered his best knights at his round table, so should you surround yourself with only the winningest of winners.

That puts an end to this list. I hope I got you totally pumped and ready for a successful, action-packed 2015. Tell me just how pumped you are in the comment section below.

Disclaimer: The items on this list are jokes (except for binging on Twin Peaks. You have to do that). Under no circumstances should you go swimming with sharks. They are wild animals, and their behaviour is difficult to predict.

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